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Exhaustion of Beauty
©2000 Janet Stickmon
I became entangled with places I vowed never to revisit.
Too many doubles existed within my head without my knowing.
I am split in two daily
Into days leaving the dawn
............To meet the evening.
And I am left
............
At once…bereft.
Right past my present I walk into my former self
............
searching.
I begin again
............
walking toward my present.
I sink beneath myself where the scent of candle wax meets urn,
Turn around to a time when I would struggle to define and
Refine myself,
............
Only to find myself lost—
A recluse crawls with outstretched hand and raw knees
Through white and bleached inconsistencies
A memory imbibed with the stench of pulsing membranes
............
and callous bodies
Gray circles beneath her eyes testify before fellow hearts
............
that tried too hard,
Vestiges of collapsed desire.
Listen and listen, for her body is a crucible for rage,
............
and love, vision, and fear
And love, bitter, and ache and
............
sweetness
Melting in the heat
............
misinformed conscience waiting for the proper moment
To revive herself.
Don’t tell her this is where hope resides
............
because she may discover her strength.
For she may rise with a rage
............
frightening venom into a stupor
Claiming her space
............
with one step,
causing a room to expand.
She, yes she, no she, will show them goodness.
Misery no longer.
Beauty emerges sending clouds into confusion
............
Wondering why she didn’t rise sooner.
^TOP^
Copyright ©2005 Carayan Press
