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2003


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2004

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04-05

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Faded Everything


Twenty years past by, What do I have to show?
Worthless trivia knowledge and a faded want to go,
Along the lines of mystery I loose myself like desire.
Desire no longer inhabits my body, for the craft that I,
I trusted with, being the pen and thesaurus, of word,
Stabbed me deeper than any stupor life can give, ending
Any want to associate love, happiness, or friendship,
Since the cost of losing is too great to bare again, and again
and again... Ripping every ounce of trust that maybe,
Just maybe I will be able to recover form this disease,
Only to discover my life as a foretold chronicle, and I,
I the actor who plays without rehearsal, before a closing curtain.

Love, what is left of that sentiment I write about,
everyday in hope of obtaining, but always fail at end?
No, it came and left that sadistic monotone mistress,
Tone deaf I walk into the depleted forest searching,
Lost forever my path for no markings can be found.
What is left is irrelevant to even ponder or examine,
Only an empty concave void filled with needy wants,
Nothing more than my lonesomeness never to be filled.
A mere quest for a sentiment that is growing illusive,
A mere thought is as close as I’ve arrived to achieving,
Now dead I drown in a peril gray murky stale ocean.
Gondola, skeleton rower, towards the tunnel I go!

What happened to that spirit of happiness, that joy?
No, my attire hew black along dark angels carousel,
Cannot testify to have remainder of a sentiment,
love!
What is left is shallowness, a death ending vast pain,
Of my inner senses for a love has just, just died again,
Buried in the sea of anger with no one to put flowers,
Flowers upon my invisible grave along the yards length.
I can only see the darkness on earth once again around,
Nothing else for a vortex has swallowed me entirely,
Engulfing any hope of joy in this eternal eclipse I inhabit,
No rays can penetrate this fortress around the lebensraum.
Solar system I be, into the black hole, ahead I go!

Friendship, where do I stand, encircled or forever alone?
Scattered diagram of sorts I try to plot where they stand,
Check mate, against the heart nothing is left to fight for,
Black overpowered the white pieces, the match ended.
The queen will not return for the peons, those ever saintly
Peons are vanquished, royal blood abdicated from my kingdom.
When I look back, I see a dart board, being my alliances,
Punctured by distance, the darts are stuck eternally, adhesive!
Time and again I thought there was someone, only an echo,
Not much more can be heard, It’s all dead within my mind,
For the veins pump morrow and sorrow along the body.
Castle and rook, besieged my environ, to peril I go!

Caste of life that enchanted me once, now only sour after
Taste is left along my parched cut dry bloody lips dripping,
Spewing words of no reason for the mere glory of love,
Friendship, and happiness, that even the dark side weeps
Upon viewing the remainder, the quarter of manly hood.
I spew more jargon into the oasis my heart has become,
Unattached from limbs and mind set I adhere to the dogma,
In desperate want of finally feeling belonging I came, only
Again to feel rejection at the bitter straw of thought.
Gondola, skeleton rower, towards the tunnel I go!
Solar system I be, into the black hole, ahead I go!
Castle and rook, besieged my environ, to peril I go!
Yes, they’re all forever gone, that epiphany, bleak faded everything!


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